The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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