Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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