My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
