is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
