I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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