in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
