Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am naked and annoyed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize