let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
