I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
