My first STD was from a foam party
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize