i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
