just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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