i may or may not be watching the land before time
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
