I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
