i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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