What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
