he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
