I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
