Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
