that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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