hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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