im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
