i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
