lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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