am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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