Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
