he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
