you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
