You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
