some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
