You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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