Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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