The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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