I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
