their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize