Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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