Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
