You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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