You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize