so let's talk penis.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
