and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
