When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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