things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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