So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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