Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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