I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I cockslap morals
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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