I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
