you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
