You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
