Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
