so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
