i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
