That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
