Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
