at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
