I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
