WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
