If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
