its not stalking. its research.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
