I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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