:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize