I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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