Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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