Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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