those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
